It’s​ ​All​ ​Coming​ ​Apart 

ATC/DEN

 

Denver, Colorado

 

February-March 2018 

 

Mothers​ ​are​ ​invisible​ ​heroes.​ ​​​Heroes​ ​that​ ​deserve​ ​Wonder​ ​Woman​ ​scale​ ​films.​ ​​​A​ ​mother​ ​holds up​ ​the​ ​sky,​ ​shielding​ ​her​ ​young​ ​from​ ​the​ ​storm,​ ​all​ ​while​ ​enduring​ ​the​ ​pouring​ ​rain​ ​herself.​ ​There is​ ​an​ ​enormous​ ​weight​ ​a​ ​mother​ ​carries​ ​with​ ​her​ ​daily,​ ​hourly,​ ​and​ ​minute​ ​by​ ​minute.​ ​​​She usually​ ​goes​ ​unnoticed.​ ​She​ ​prevails​ ​and​ ​persists​ ​despite​ ​the​ ​isolation​ ​that​ ​becomes​ ​so​ ​familiar. Her​ ​strength​ ​is​ ​unparallelled,​ ​her​ ​fortitude​ ​unmatched.​ ​​​She​ ​is​ ​a​ ​badass.

This​ ​exhibition​ ​tells​ ​the​ ​story​ ​of​ ​my​ ​personal​ ​struggle​ ​to​ ​manage​ ​life​ ​after​ ​giving​ ​birth​ ​to​ ​a​ ​child with​ ​multiple​ ​heart​ ​defects,​ ​major​ ​restrictions​ ​and​ ​daily​ ​surveillance.​ ​​​This​ ​is​ ​also​ ​a​ ​story​ ​about​ ​a woman​ ​gradually​ ​losing​ ​and​ ​gaining​ ​control​ ​of​ ​her​ ​life​ ​and​ ​the​ ​battle​ ​to​ ​keep​ ​everyone​ ​afloat while​ ​she​ ​herself,​ ​was​ ​slowly​ ​unravelling.​ ​​​This​ ​story​ ​is​ ​also​ ​about​ ​finding​ ​my​ ​strength​ ​to​ ​carry that​ ​weight.

The​ ​show​ ​is​ ​a​ ​visual​ ​loop​ ​-​ ​a​ ​cycle​ ​of​ ​organization​ ​to​ ​madness​ ​and​ ​back.​ ​​​The​ ​loop​ ​starts​ ​with meticulously​ ​drawn​ ​(about​ ​20​ ​drawings​ ​on​ ​22”​ ​x​ ​33”​ ​paper)​ ​abstracted​ ​hearts​ ​and​ ​concludes with​ ​abstracted​ ​female​ ​forms​ ​in​ ​acrylic​ ​on​ ​panels.

The​ ​heart​ ​drawings​ ​will​ ​be​ ​hung​ ​in​ ​a​ ​grid. ​They​ ​represent​ ​the most​ ​control​ ​I​ ​had​ ​during​ ​this​ ​time,​ ​lines​ ​clear​ ​and​ ​clean,​ ​and​ ​forms​ ​executed​ ​in​ ​well​ ​thought​ ​out compositions.​ ​ ​A select number of hearts have sewn in thread​ ​that  ​hangs​ ​down,​ ​falling​ ​and​ ​pooling​ ​onto​ ​the​ ​floor​ ​in large​ ​bundles.​ ​​

Between​ ​the​ ​hearts​ ​and​ ​paintings​ ​is​ ​a​ ​large​ sculptural installation,​ ​made​ ​up​ ​of​ ​months​ ​worth​ ​of​ ​daily​ ​to-do lists​ ​and​ ​notes​ ​to​ ​self,​ ​interlaced​ ​with​ ​medical​ ​equipment and​ ​breastpump​ ​tubing.​ ​These​ ​lists​ ​were​ ​the​ ​only way​ ​I​ ​could​ ​keep​ ​things​ ​under​ ​control.​ ​​​Everything​ ​had​ ​to​ ​be​ ​written​ ​down.​ ​​​The​ ​lists​ ​provide​ ​a glimpse​ ​behind​ ​the​ ​curtain,​ ​into​ ​everyday​ ​life​ ​and​ ​were​ ​the​ ​starting​ ​point​ ​for​ ​the​ ​drawings.​ ​​​They will​ ​have​ ​a​ ​connection​ ​to​ ​the​ ​drawings,​ ​employing​ ​the​ ​same​ ​pink​ ​thread​ ​and​ ​stationary.

Next​ ​in​ ​the​ ​loop,​ ​after​ ​passing​ ​through​ ​the​ ​to-do​ ​lists,​ ​come​ ​the​ ​paintings.​ ​​​The​ ​series​ ​of​ ​six paintings​ ​are​ ​derivative​ ​of​ ​the​ ​same​ ​female​ ​form,​ ​each​ ​one​ ​gradually​ ​breaking​ ​it’s​ ​edge, loosening​ ​and​ ​becoming​ ​wild​ ​and​ ​out​ ​of​ ​control​ ​with​ ​marks.​ ​​​The​ ​first​ ​of​ ​the​ ​series​ ​is​ ​elegant, swooping​ ​and​ ​almost​ ​calm.​ ​​​The​ ​last​ ​will​ ​seem​ ​to​ ​explode​ ​off​ ​the​ ​panel,​ ​marks​ ​and​ ​lines, splotches​ ​of​ ​color​ ​pouring​ ​out​ ​onto​ ​the​ ​wall​ ​around​ ​it,​ ​creating​ ​the​ ​most​ ​out​ ​of​ ​control​ ​form​ ​of​ ​the female.​ ​The​ ​one​ ​painting​ ​that​ ​stands​ ​alone​ ​was​ ​completed​ ​just​ ​days​ ​after​ ​the​ ​last​ ​surgery,​ ​when things​ ​were​ ​seeming​ ​to​ ​come​ ​back​ ​down​ ​to​ ​earth.​ ​​​It​ ​is​ ​large,​ ​whole,​ ​and​ ​the​ ​most​ ​powerful​ ​of the​ ​female​ ​forms.​ ​​​It​ ​is​ ​the​ ​culmination​ ​of​ ​months​ ​worth​ ​of​ ​feverish​ ​studies​ ​of​ ​the​ ​same​ ​form,​ ​this time​ ​in​ ​it’s​ ​largest​ ​representation.​ ​​​It​ ​represents​ ​the​ ​mother’s​ ​ultimate​ ​strength,​ ​where​ ​the​ ​form and​ ​edge,​ ​even​ ​when​ ​interrupted,​ ​cannot​ ​be​ ​broken.​ ​​​This​ ​will​ ​take​ ​us​ ​back​ ​to​ ​the​ ​beginning​ ​of our​ ​journey,​ ​back​ ​in​ ​control​ ​of​ ​ourselves​ ​and​ ​our​ ​life.

The​ ​show​ ​is​ ​meant​ ​to​ ​tell​ ​a​ ​story​ ​that​ ​many​ ​mothers​ ​know​ ​too​ ​well.​ ​​​Walking​ ​the​ ​halls​ ​of​ ​the Neonatal​ ​Intensive​ ​Care​ ​Unit​ ​and​ ​the​ ​Pediatric​ ​Intensive​ ​Care​ ​Unit,​ ​you’ll​ ​find​ ​many​ ​families worried​ ​daily​ ​about​ ​their​ ​children,​ ​fighting​ ​to​ ​maintain​ ​a​ ​normal​ ​life,​ ​not​ ​admitting​ ​to​ ​the​ ​world when​ ​they​ ​just​ ​can’t​ ​seem​ ​to​ ​manage​ ​it​ ​all​ ​anymore.​ ​Finding​ ​their​ ​strength​ ​in​ ​the​ ​deepest​ ​part​ ​of their​ ​being.​ ​This​ ​is​ ​for​ ​the​ ​mothers.​ ​We​ ​cannot​ ​be​ ​broken.