October 2023

Observing a woman- who felt as though they were free, and now sees they were still bound. Peeling off restraints and self-doubt, rules.  

How can I see myself? 

 

A sea nymph. Drinking the world in hungrily, trying not to disturb it while she does.  

Finding true beauty everywhere.  

 

When you encounter her, you know she's considering, she's feeling, absorbing.  Occasionally confident.  

 

She's at a time in her existence where she feels young and beautiful but can feel the pain of aging- the sadness in the knowledge of its release, slowly but surely, allowing her youth to visit her but knowing it is no longer an exterior shroud.  

 

Her body feels worn and yet, at some moments, astonishingly beautiful, smooth, glisteningly soft.  At some moments she feels weight on her bones, thin and dimpled slightly rugged, growing into something hard.  

 

She wants to hold onto something soft within her, let it shroud her with youthful radiance. She also knows how that becomes a futile embarkation, that instead she needs to look at herself piece by piece- each angle and inch imbued with time passed. She needs to give herself credit for her current compelling existence.  

 

The youth are shrouded in their shame and their innocence and their anxiety- the aged have confidence.  

The aged recognize how silly it is to allow judgment to seep in, to know value and share it whether or not it will be caught. 

 

I recognize I want to put my mouth on things. In things. A snail.  To stick my tongue right inside the shell. An oyster, to lick even the frothy white stone I will lay my body on.  Is it salty? Does it fill me with the minerals from the sea that I so long for? Does it let the earth know that I’m back, reminding the waters where I’m from- the sea nymph that has come home again?

 

What does it feel like to fill my mouth with that water, to stick my head in and open up wide?

 

I’d like to lay others down on that rock. Lick and slurp their bodies up, half submerging them in that water, watching the water surround their bodies- sucking it out and off of them.  

​

How delicious we all are. How absolutely delicious.  

 

Observing myself again- a woman full of brilliance.  

 

She is brilliant, not simply in the sense that she's intelligent, clever, and exudes immense leadership qualities- people start to follow her, lean on her, feel the fire inside of themself as she motivates them. 

 

But she’s also brilliant like a star. She radiates light- glows and sparkles- a gravitational pull towards the warmth that her sun exudes.  

 

You find yourself warm, wanting her in different ways. Shes a lioness, capable of sexual acts of many varieties and it shows. She deeply understands pleasure/ 

 

She’s a mother, capable of holding space and time for another.  She gives love without boundaries and limitations- she feeds and is fed.  

 

I am the lioness.  

 

I am the sun and the star- 

I am the sun goddess, the light, reflecting off of me into the water, into the earth. 

 

I watch myself disperse into little stars and ripples on the surface of the sea, I see myself dissolve and emerge.  

 

I come out of the water satisfied in submerging- immersing myself in myself.  

 

A sensual submersion. 

 

The scent of my little conch wafts up towards my face and mouth puckers again, salivating, ready to enjoy the world again and again.